The ability to listen with attention, empathy, and openness to understand others’ perspectives, needs, and concerns. It involves being fully present, managing distractions and judgement, and using verbal and non-verbal cues to show genuine engagement.
“Hearing is listening to what’s said. Listening is hearing what isn’t said.” Simon Sinek
Barriers to listening
Arrogance: Some leaders may believe their own ideas or lived experience is superior, making them less inclined to listen to others.
Defensiveness: Some leaders have a fear of criticism or appearing weak. This can cause leaders to ignore or dismiss the input of others.
Lack of empathy: Some leaders can be insensitive to other people’s situations, feelings or perspectives. This makes it difficult for them to connect and listen effectively.
Impatience: Impatience can lead to interrupting, finishing others’ sentences, or jumping to conclusions before understanding the full message.
Overconfidence in own ideas: Some leaders interrupt to offer quick solutions or decisions, believing they already know the answer and that this one is the most appropriate.
Selective listening: Some leaders may listen to certain people or groups, prioritising those they see as more important, while ignoring others.
Overloaded: Juggling multiple responsibilities can lead leaders to appear distracted, making them miss key points in conversations.
Low regard for others: When leaders do not value others’ input for whatever reason, they may not see the need to listen attentively.
Over-concerned for own response: Instead of fully listening, leaders may focus on crafting their next argument or rebuttal.
Poor summarising: Low competence in listening can result in the leader misrepresenting or misunderstanding what others are trying to communicate and this then has a knock-on effect on the whole conversation.
As you reflect on your own leadership, which of the above may be barriers you recognise in yourself? Which ones could you work on sooner, rather than later? Which ones would potentially be the easiest and have a positive impact?
“The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.” Alfred Brendel
Enablers of listening
Identify your challenges: Reflect on your listening habits. Do you tune in only to certain people or situations? Challenge yourself to listen more consistently. If others have thanked you for listening before, it is likely you engage in selective listening, turning it off and on based on the person or context.
Engage your active listening: Focus on fundamental listening techniques: maintain eye contact, avoid distractions, and be fully present. Show engagement by paraphrasing and summarising what the speaker says, confirming your understanding. Respond thoughtfully, but avoid being dismissive if you disagree.
Be patient: Let others finish their thoughts without cutting in, even when you think you know where they’re heading. Avoid finishing their sentences or waving off their points. If time is tight, politely ask them to summarise rather than shut them down too early.
Ask questions for clarity: If you are struggling to understand, ask more questions. Use clarifying and probing questions to ensure you grasp the speaker’s point.
Tune in fully: Recognise if you are tuning out certain people. Question the reasons, are they based on age, status, or personality? Challenge yourself to listen to everyone equally and extract value from every conversation, regardless of the speaker.
Moderate the flow: Help guide conversations constructively, especially with those who ramble or struggle to communicate clearly. Offer structured feedback, such as summarising their points and encouraging brevity. This maintains focus without signalling disinterest.
Keep calm and carry on: It is natural to get defensive when criticised, but resist the urge to react immediately. Instead, focus on fully understanding the feedback. Listen with an open mind, ask clarifying questions, and separate the message from any personal attacks.
Watch your body: Your body language often speaks louder than words. Avoid fidgeting, crossing your arms, or displaying impatience. Ask someone you trust to point out your non-verbal signals when you are not listening, and work to eliminate these cues.
Suspend judgement: Make an effort to listen to those you do not naturally get along with. Rather than judging their character or motives immediately, try to find common ground. Ask questions and be open to seeing them in a different light.
Be ready to lead: Sometimes, in meetings, for the good of all, you may need to steer a conversation back on track. Summarise when discussions get off-topic, ask focused questions when someone is rambling, and encourage problem-solving with chronic complainers by requesting written solutions.
“More often than not, listening is the best help you can give.” Thibaut
Reflection questions on listening
Could you identify patterns in your listening habits? What factors drive these choices? How can you work towards more consistent listening?
How do you demonstrate active listening in conversations? Do you regularly make eye contact, paraphrase, or summarise to show understanding? Can you think of times when this did not happen?
Are you patient enough to let others finish speaking? Do you find yourself interrupting or finishing sentences for others? How can you practise restraint in conversations, especially when time is limited? How often do you ask clarifying questions?
When you are unsure of something, do you probe deeper, or do you make assumptions? Can you think of situations where more questioning might have improved your understanding?
Are you guilty of selective listening? Are there specific people or groups you listen to more than others? How can you change that?
How do you manage conversations that lack structure? When someone rambles or struggles to express themselves, how do you help guide the discussion?
How do you react when receiving negative feedback? Are you able to stay calm and listen without getting defensive? How could you separate, even more, personal emotions from constructive criticism in the future?
What non-verbal cues do you give when you are not listening? How can you adjust your body language to convey genuine interest and attention?
Do you listen openly to people you do not like or agree with? How often do you suspend judgement and give others a fair chance to be heard? What techniques can you use to stay open-minded in these situations?
How do you handle conversations that go off-topic or turn into complaints? When a discussion becomes unproductive, how do you guide it back to a meaningful point? Can you think of ways to turn complaints into problem-solving opportunities without shutting people down?
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” Roy T. Bennett
This page is part of the 100 capabilities of the Leadership Library