The ongoing commitment to reflect, adapt, and grow by learning from one’s own actions and from interactions with others. It involves actively seeking feedback, observing the impact of one’s behaviour, expanding behavioural flexibility, and adjusting to different people and contexts.
The personal learning visual above summarises five practical behaviours that help leaders develop greater self-awareness and continually improve their effectiveness: learning from everyday activities and interactions, actively seeking honest feedback from different perspectives, challenging the assumptions underlying their actions, experimenting with unfamiliar behaviours to expand their leadership range, and translating reflection into observable changes in how they lead. Together, these behaviours help leaders close the gap between their intentions and their impact, develop more flexible approaches to different situations and turn everyday experience into lasting personal development.
“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” Jiddu Krishnamurti
Why personal learning matters
Every leader operates with some degree of gap between how they intend to come across and how they are actually landing. Left unchecked, that gap tends to widen over time, since the more senior a leader becomes, the less unfiltered feedback naturally reaches them. Personal learning is the discipline of actively closing that gap rather than waiting for it to close itself, through deliberate observation, solicited feedback, and honest reflection on the results.
It also compounds. A leader who treats every interaction as a small data point about what worked and what did not accumulates, over years, a far more refined sense of judgement than one who repeats the same instincts unexamined. The advantage is not raw intelligence or experience by itself. It is the rate at which that experience gets converted into an updated approach.
The harder part is that personal learning requires treating yourself as a legitimate subject of inquiry, with the same curiosity and lack of defensiveness you would bring to studying anyone else. Leaders who find this genuinely difficult are rarely lacking insight. More often, they are avoiding the discomfort of finding out something about themselves they would rather not confront.
“O wad some Power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!” Robert Burns
What good and bad personal learning looks like
| Bad | Good |
|---|---|
| Walks out of a tense meeting assuming it went fine, without asking anyone who was in the room. | Checks in with someone afterward, “How did that land for you?” even when the meeting seemed to go well. |
| Hears one comment that they talk over people, decides it simply is not true, and moves on. | Hears the same comment, and tests it against three other recent conversations before deciding what to do with it. |
| Reacts to criticism by explaining why the other person is wrong. | Sits with criticism before responding, even when the first instinct is to defend. |
| Gives the same blunt feedback to a new graduate that works fine with a seasoned deputy, and is confused when it lands badly. | Notices the graduate flinched at feedback the deputy shrugs off, and adjusts the delivery next time. |
| Only reflects on what went wrong after a major failure. | Builds small moments of reflection into ordinary weeks, not just after visible setbacks. |
| Fixes the specific tactic that failed and repeats the same underlying approach next time. | Asks whether the assumption behind the tactic was the actual problem. |
| Avoids people who are likely to disagree or push back. | Seeks out people who see things differently as a source of information, not a threat. |
| Only finds out a working relationship has soured when it shows up in the annual review, months after it started. | Picks up on the cooling weeks earlier, in a shorter reply or a meeting that did not get rescheduled, and addresses it directly. |
“Tomorrow’s illiterate will not be the man who can’t read; he will be the man who has not learned how to learn.” Herbert Gerjuoy, as quoted in Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock
Barriers to personal learning
Limiting mindset: Leaders who believe they already know everything, or who become defensive when given feedback, quietly stop updating their approach even as circumstances change around them. The belief protects their sense of competence in the moment, but the team usually notices the stagnation well before the leader does, since decisions keep drawing on an understanding of the situation that stopped being current some time ago.
Poor jugglers: Leaders who focus fully on one task at a time often have no attention left over for reflecting on their own development while they are in the middle of doing the work. The learning does not fail for lack of ability. It fails for lack of a moment set aside to notice it, since insight rarely arrives unless there is some space held open for it to land in.
Lack of role models: Without visible examples of continuous learners in their environment, some leaders have no template for what ongoing development is even supposed to look like day to day. It is difficult to build a habit you have never actually seen modelled, so the absence of a role model often shows up less as active resistance to learning and more as simply never having formed the habit in the first place.
Poor observation and attunement: Leaders who are not attuned to how others respond to them, through body language, tone, or behaviour, or who struggle to observe the strategies and reactions of the people around them, miss most of the evidence about their own impact before it ever reaches a formal conversation. The information was almost always available in the room. It simply was not being read.
Fixed ways: Being true to oneself is a reasonable instinct, but leaders who place it above every other consideration can use it to justify not changing, even when the situation clearly calls for it. What looks like integrity from the inside can look, from the outside, like an unwillingness to be moved by evidence.
Resistance to change: Some leaders treat consistency itself as the virtue, refusing to adjust their approach across different contexts or in response to feedback, even when the situation has genuinely changed. The team experiences this not as principled stability but as a leader who has stopped listening to what the room is telling them.
Expecting others to adjust to them: Leaders who expect the people around them to adapt to their style, rather than doing any of the adapting themselves, remove their own biggest source of learning at the source. Every interaction where someone else absorbs the cost of adjustment is an interaction where the leader was not required to notice anything about their own impact.
Lack of feedback seeking: Leaders who do not actively ask for input, whether from peers, mentors, or their own team, are relying entirely on feedback that arrives unprompted, which is almost always a smaller and less honest sample than what is actually available. Silence in the absence of a direct question is rarely a sign that everything is working.
Treating feedback as a verdict rather than data: Even leaders who do ask for feedback can experience it as a judgement on their worth rather than as information to act on, so the emotional reaction of defensiveness or deflation crowds out the actual updating of behaviour. The feedback gets received but never processed, which from the outside looks identical to never having asked for it at all.
Fixing the tactic, not the assumption behind it: After something goes wrong, it is tempting to adjust the specific method that failed and consider the lesson learned. But if the assumption underneath that method was the actual problem, the same failure tends to resurface in a new form, since the tactic changed while the thinking that produced it did not.
“In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” Eric Hoffer
Enablers of personal learning
Read reactions in real time: Pay attention to how people are actually responding as you speak, not just to what they say afterwards. Engagement, boredom, tension, and discomfort all show up in tone and body language well before anyone puts them into words, so the earliest and most honest feedback in any interaction is usually the nonverbal kind, if you are watching for it.
Actively seek feedback: Ask for specific feedback about your actions, especially in real time. People often hesitate to offer critical feedback, so help them by making self reflective comments, such as “I think I could have handled that better, what is your view?” This invites a level of honesty that a generic request for feedback rarely gets.
Find role models: Identify people who handle situations well that you personally find difficult. Watch how they manage the moment, ask them directly about their approach, and think through how a version of it could work in your own style rather than copying it wholesale.
Flip perspectives: Before deciding how to handle a situation, deliberately ask how the other person is likely experiencing it, rather than starting from what you want out of it. This single shift in starting point changes most of the choices that follow.
Experiment deliberately: Try a different method specifically to see what response it produces, such as asking more questions or softening how you frame a disagreement. The point is not to find the one right technique. It is to generate more data about what actually moves a given person or situation, which you cannot get by repeating the same approach indefinitely.
Become a better student of people: Over many interactions, not just one, notice the patterns in how specific people tend to respond, what tends to land with them and what does not. This is a slower, longer term skill than reading a single reaction in the moment, and it is what eventually lets you anticipate how someone will respond before you have even said anything.
Expand your behavioural repertoire: Deliberately practise ways of interacting that do not come naturally, even when they feel awkward at first. The goal is not comfort. It is range, since a leader with only one register is only equipped for the situations that register happens to suit.
Reduce your arrogance: If you notice yourself dismissing other people’s ideas quickly, treat that as a signal worth investigating rather than a sign you were right. Regularly ask what others might need from an interaction that you have not yet considered, and keep a record of what you notice so the pattern does not stay invisible to you.
Reduce defensiveness: When criticism lands, resist the pull to shut the conversation down or explain it away immediately. Preparing yourself mentally before a difficult conversation, and using a pause to breathe or an open question to slow things down, keeps the exchange useful rather than adversarial.
Separate the signal from the sting: When feedback stings, notice the sting and set it aside for a moment rather than reacting from it. Go back to the substance once the emotional charge has settled, and pull out the one concrete, usable piece of information, treating the discomfort as a separate matter from the data itself.
“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” Albert Einstein
Reflection questions on personal learning
1. How well do you observe others’ reactions to your actions? Could you better notice nonverbal cues or changes in behaviour? How do you adapt when people seem disengaged, frustrated, or confused?
2. How often do you seek feedback from others? Do you proactively ask for input, or do you wait for it to be offered? How comfortable are you with hearing critical feedback? What could you do to make it easier for others to share honest perspectives?
3. Who are your role models for personal learning? Can you observe or seek advice from people in your organisation or network? What specific skills or qualities do they demonstrate that you could integrate into your leadership?
4. How often do you consider the perspectives of others? When faced with challenges, do you approach situations thinking only from your point of view? How could you incorporate the needs and viewpoints of others in your decision making?
5. How well do you pick up on nonverbal cues in conversations? Are you able to interpret body language, tone, or subtle shifts in engagement? What techniques could help you read the room better and respond accordingly?
6. When was the last time you experimented with a new leadership technique? Do you tend to rely on familiar methods, or are you open to trying new approaches? How could experimenting with different tactics broaden your skills?
7. How effectively do you study and predict others’ behaviour? Are you able to anticipate how people will react in various situations? What patterns do you notice in the behaviour of those around you?
8. How broad is your behavioural range as a leader? Do you find yourself sticking to familiar behaviours, even when they might not be effective? What new behaviours or skills could you develop to better handle diverse situations?
9. Do you sometimes let arrogance interfere with your learning? Have there been moments when you dismissed others’ ideas because you believed yours were better? How can you stay open to learning from others, regardless of your past success?
10. How do you respond to criticism or feedback that challenges you? Do you tend to become defensive or shut down when faced with criticism? How could you prepare yourself mentally to stay calm and open during difficult conversations?
“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” John Wooden
Micro practices for personal learning
1. Ask one specific question after a hard interaction: Instead of a general “how did that go,” ask someone who was in the room a specific question, such as “what’s the moment you’d have handled differently if you were me?” Specific questions get specific, usable answers. General ones get polite reassurance.
2. Name the assumption before fixing the tactic: After something goes wrong, before deciding what to do differently next time, write down the belief that led you to try the approach that failed. If that belief is still true, adjust the tactic. If it is not, that is the actual thing to fix.
3. Build a two minute reflection into your calendar after key meetings: Block two minutes immediately after any meeting that mattered to note what you noticed about your own impact, not just the outcome. Reflection that waits until the end of the week arrives too late to capture most of the useful detail.
4. Read the room before you read the feedback form: In your next difficult conversation, pause once to notice tone and body language before responding, and let that observation inform what you say next, rather than waiting for a formal debrief to find out how it landed.
5. Sit on stinging feedback for a day before responding: When feedback lands hard, wait until the next day to formulate your response. Most of what feels like disagreement in the moment is actually the sting talking, and a day later it is much easier to see the one useful part underneath it.
6. Ask someone who sees you differently than most people do: Once a quarter, ask for feedback from someone outside your usual circle of trusted colleagues, ideally someone whose experience of you might be less flattering than your own team’s. Comfortable feedback loops tend to confirm what you already believe.
7. Practise the behaviour you find least natural, on purpose: Pick one interpersonal behaviour that does not come easily to you, such as asking more questions instead of offering answers, and use it deliberately in one low stakes interaction this week, purely to build the muscle.
“Personally, I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” Winston Churchill
Explore related leadership resources
To further develop this capability, examine how it intersects with other core leadership dimensions across the libraries:
Leadership library:
- Learning Agility: Increase the speed at which you can extract lessons from new experiences and apply them to solve unfamiliar or complex problems.
- Organising Self and Others: Build structured habits and dedicated time for reflection into your daily workflow, ensuring that learning is a consistent priority.
- Questions (Asking good): Sharpen your self discovery by asking powerful, open ended questions that challenge your own assumptions and reveal new growth areas.
- Strategic Agility: Ensure your personal development aligns with future organisational needs, allowing you to adapt your skill set before the landscape shifts.
Supporting libraries:
- Learning Agility Library: Access a specialised set of capabilities designed to help you bypass traditional learning plateaus and acquire new skills more effectively.
- Learning orientation (Traits): Leverage your natural drive for self improvement to maintain the focus and curiosity required for lifelong professional development.
- Problem solving (EQ-i): Apply an emotionally intelligent approach to your own setbacks, viewing them as data rich learning opportunities rather than personal failures.
- Adaptive Learning Acceleration (Complexity): Master the ability to learn in real time within fast moving, non linear environments where traditional training methods fall short.
Continue exploring: Return to the Leadership Library to view the full directory of competencies and resources.