Composure

The ability to remain calm, grounded, and thoughtful under pressure. It involves managing emotional responses, staying objective in the face of stress or criticism, and choosing deliberate actions over impulsive reactions.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl

Barriers to composure

Defensiveness: Leaders may become defensive when faced with criticism, leading to a loss of composure.

Easily overwhelmed: Being easily overwhelmed and highly emotional can cause leaders to lose their cool under pressure.

Lack of self-confidence: Insecure leaders may struggle to maintain composure, especially in challenging situations.

Perfectionism: The drive for perfection can make leaders more susceptible to stress and emotional outbursts.

Sensitivity: Highly sensitive leaders may take criticism personally, affecting their professional demeanour.

Work overload: Having too many responsibilities can overwhelm leaders, leading to emotional and composure issues.

Control orientation: Leaders who are very control-oriented may struggle when things don’t go as planned, impacting their composure.

Weak impulse control: Poor impulse control can result in leaders reacting emotionally rather than responding calmly.

Unsettled by surprises: Unexpected events can knock leaders off balance, causing them to lose their composure.

Negative emotions: Leaders may let anger, frustration, and anxiety show, which can further unsettle themselves and their team.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James

Enablers of composure

Identify your trigger points: Track instances of losing composure to find recurring triggers. Group these triggers and analyse why they affect you, then rehearse mature responses. Aim to reduce instances by 10% each month.

Increase your impulse control: Practice delaying your initial reaction to situations. Typically, the second or third response is more appropriate, reducing composure issues by holding back your initial impulse.

Employ delaying tactics: When emotions rise, delay your response by counting to ten, getting a drink, or engaging in another short activity. This minute of pause can help regain composure.

Accept delays calmly: Life involves many delays. Write down frustrating delays and develop strategies to respond calmly, like adopting a philosophical stance or finding humour in the situation.

Handle criticism constructively: Deal with criticism without becoming defensive. Understand that criticism is often about improvement, and developing this skill helps maintain composure.

Loosen your control: If you are a perfectionist, expect occasional deviations from the plan. Build flexibility into your plans and prepare for the unexpected to reduce stress and improve composure.

Avoid retaliation: When provoked, focus on the problem rather than attacking the person. Engage in constructive dialogue to understand the other side’s perspective and avoid long-term negative consequences.

Remain objective: When responding to criticism or conflict, stick to the facts and their impact on you rather than assuming others’ motives. This helps maintain a balanced perspective.

Pause then be deliberate: Resist jumping to conclusions. Take time to understand problems thoroughly before acting. Engage in discussions, ask clarifying questions, and deliberate before deciding.

Exercise Regularly: Physical activity helps release pent-up emotions and reduce stress. Find a physical hobby or exercise routine to better manage your emotions and maintain composure.

“Detach yourself just when you are about to clash with someone. You will avoid any offence.” – Marcus Aurelius 

Reflection questions on composure

What common themes do you notice in the situations where you lose your composure, and why do you think these particular triggers affect you so strongly?

How often do you find that your initial reaction to a stressful situation is not the best one, and what techniques can you implement to pause and consider a better response?

When you feel your emotions rising, what specific delaying tactic can you use to give yourself time to regain composure?

Can you recall a recent situation where a delay caused you stress, and how could adopting a more philosophical or humorous approach have changed your reaction?

How do you typically react to criticism, and what steps can you take to respond in a more constructive and composed manner?

How do you feel when things don’t go according to your plan, and what strategies can you use to build more flexibility into your expectations?

When someone provokes you, what can you do to focus on resolving the problem rather than reacting personally?

In what ways can you ensure that your responses to criticism or conflict remain focused on the facts rather than assuming the motives of others?

How can you improve your problem-solving process to ensure that you fully understand the situation before taking action?

What type of physical activity could you incorporate into your routine to help manage stress and maintain your composure?

“When you react, you let others control you. When you respond, you are in control.” – Bohdi Sanders

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