Compassion
The capacity to notice, understand, and respond with care to the challenges and needs of others. It involves listening with empathy, offering appropriate support, and maintaining respect for emotional boundaries.
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama
Barriers to compassion
Preference for “work” tasks: Leaders might avoid compassion to stay focused on work-related issues, fearing that personal matters will detract from their professional responsibilities.
Uncomfortableness with difference: Leaders may shy away from compassionate behaviour to avoid conflicts or disagreements that arise from addressing personal or emotional issues.
Simply don’t see the value: Some leaders might struggle to see how compassion can benefit the workplace, which means they end up prioritising tangible results over emotional well-being.
Low emotional capability: Leaders may find it challenging to navigate situations involving strong emotions or political sensitivities, leading them to avoid compassionate responses.
They see compassion as weakness: There is often a belief among leaders that showing compassion is a sign of weakness, undermining their authority and decisiveness.
Difficulty with Diversity: Leaders might have difficulty dealing with people or groups who are different from them, and this can lead to lower levels of compassion.
Low or poor emotion management: Leaders may feel uncomfortable dealing with emotions, both their own and those of others, resulting in a lack of compassionate behaviour.
Results focused: Leaders with low compassion often prioritise results over personal connections, viewing everything else as a distraction from achieving goals.
View on work/life boundary: Some leaders believe in a strict separation between personal issues and business, considering personal matters inappropriate for the workplace.
Not skilled at it: Leaders might simply not know how to effectively show compassion or deal with people in trouble, leading to an absence of compassionate behaviour.
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Enablers of compassion
Raise empathy and offer support: If you’re uncomfortable with strong emotions, try to empathise by imagining yourself in the other person’s situation. Express your sorrow for their difficulties and offer practical help where possible, such as a day off or a resource. Offering hope can also be a significant comfort.
Listen more: Sometimes, people just need to talk. Show compassion by listening quietly, maintaining eye contact, and acknowledging their feelings. When they pause, empathise and suggest practical support, such as getting cover for their work if they need time off.
Delay advice: Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, listen and provide support through gestures. Save advice for when emotions have settled and you fully understand the situation, ensuring your guidance is more effective.
Model the best: Observe and learn from the most compassionate individuals you know, whether they are colleagues, acquaintances, or notable figures. Note their words, actions, and gestures, and adapt their compassionate behaviours to your own style.
Set your boundaries: Be compassionate without becoming a counsellor by letting people express their concerns without judgement or advice. Summarise their points to show understanding and, if necessary, refer them to appropriate resources, maintaining professional boundaries.
Explore your views: Challenge your biases by putting yourself in others’ shoes and understanding their perspectives. Avoid categorising people and listen even more actively to understand their views and needs, especially those who might seem difficult or unfamiliar.
Dial up your focus: Pay attention to what matters to others to avoid being perceived as insensitive. Understand their concerns and avoid belittling their causes, showing respect for their perspectives and passions.
Shut out the noise: When dealing with emotionally charged issues, focus on listening and understanding rather than arguing. Acknowledge their feelings and seek a rational discussion about the causes and potential solutions to the problem.
Balance advocacy with inquiry: Ensure you listen to all sides in disputes. Ask questions to understand the principles and fairness behind each position, considering the outcomes if their views were accepted. Engage in thoughtful dialogue rather than making quick judgments or sharing your point of view.
Don’t get defensive, get curious: If accused of lacking compassion, reframe the discussion to focus on the issue rather than personal attacks. Acknowledge what is said, encourage further dialogue, and aim to understand their underlying interests to find common ground.
“It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act.” Dalai Lama
Reflection questions to raise your compassion
1. How connected personally are you to those that you work with?
2. Do you take the time to listen quietly when someone needs to talk? How do you show that you are fully present and understanding their concerns?
3. How often do you listen without immediately trying to solve the problem?
4. Who are the most compassionate individuals you know, and what can you learn from them? How do they show compassion in their actions and words? Can you incorporate any of their behaviours into your own leadership style?
5. How can you set appropriate boundaries while still offering genuine support?
6. What biases might you hold that affect your ability to be compassionate? How can you challenge these biases and approach each person with an open mind?
7. How could you ensure you are not perceived as insensitive? How could you spend more time understanding the concerns and passions of those you lead?
8. How do you handle emotionally charged issues? Do you listen and acknowledge the other person’s feelings without immediately arguing or dismissing them?
9. Do you listen to all sides in a dispute before making a judgement? How often do you ask questions to understand the principles and fairness behind each position? Could this approach lead to more balanced and compassionate decision-making?
10. If accused of lacking compassion, how do you respond? Can you reframe the discussion to focus on resolving the issue rather than taking it personally? How can you acknowledge the other person’s concerns and encourage further dialogue to find common ground?
“Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for love.” – Unknown
“Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.” – Pema Chödrön
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