Conflict Management

The ability to effectively address and resolve disagreements, misunderstandings, and opposing interests in a constructive manner. Leaders skilled in conflict management do not avoid or escalate conflict, but instead approach it as an opportunity for growth, dialogue, and better outcomes.

“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.” – Max Lucado

Barriers to conflict management

Avoidance: Leaders may shy away from conflict altogether, hoping it will resolve itself without their intervention.

Poor Negotiation Skills: They might lack the ability to negotiate effectively, leading to unresolved conflicts or compromised solutions.

Emotional Reactions: Leaders can become too emotionally invested in conflicts, hindering their ability to approach the situation rationally.

Slow to Recognize: They may be slow to recognize brewing conflicts, allowing them to escalate before taking action.

Taking Things Personally: Leaders who take conflicts personally may struggle to separate their emotions from the situation, making resolution difficult.

Lack of Conflict Management Skills: Some leaders simply lack the necessary skills to effectively manage conflicts when they arise.

Desire for Harmony: They may prioritize maintaining harmony over addressing conflicts, leading to superficial resolutions or ongoing tensions.

Quick Surrender: Leaders might give in too quickly to avoid confrontation, resulting in unsatisfactory outcomes or missed opportunities for resolution.

Failure to Anticipate Conflict: Some leaders may be caught off guard by conflicts, failing to anticipate and address them proactively.

Excessive Competitiveness: A leader’s excessive competitiveness can lead to a win-at-all-costs mentality, making it difficult to find mutually beneficial solutions in conflicts.

“When you make a commitment to work through conflicts and come out stronger, you demonstrate the true meaning of leadership.” – John C. Maxwell

Enablers of conflict management

Promote cooperation: Focus on fostering cooperative relations rather than pursuing win/lose outcomes. Emphasize fairness, understanding, and problem-solving. Avoid entrenched positions, seek common ground, and minimize conflicts by addressing them directly and sooner.

Mind your words: Choose your words carefully to prevent unnecessary conflicts. Use language that is respectful, neutral, and problem-oriented. Avoid insensitive or demeaning language,  and focus on describing the problem rather than assigning blame.

Practice aikido: Adopt the principles of Aikido by absorbing the energy of conflict and using it to manage the situation. Listen attentively, ask clarifying questions, and refrain from reacting emotionally. Separate people from the problem and focus on underlying concerns to de-escalate tensions.

Highlight common ground: Identify and seize on areas of agreement to reduce conflict. Emphasize common goals, priorities, and problems. Keep conflicts concrete and manageable, conceding small points to allow for progress.

Stay calm and objective: Keep your emotions in check during conflicts to maintain clarity and effectiveness. Avoid personalizing issues and focus on facts and common interests. Take breaks if necessary to regain composure and refocus on problem-solving.

Engage in bargaining: Look for opportunities to bargain and trade to resolve conflicts. Identify what each party wants and explore possibilities for mutual gain. Seek win-win solutions through negotiation.

Communicate clearly: Deliver clear, problem-focused communication to ensure understanding and facilitate resolution. Listen actively, ask questions, and restate the other party’s position to ensure clarity and legitimacy.

Consider arbitration: When conflicts reach an impasse, consider involving a third party for arbitration. Present both sides objectively and work towards a resolution with the assistance of a neutral mediator.

Identify triggers: Recognise and address conflict triggers that lead to poor handling of situations. Analyse your past conflicts to identify common themes and rehearse better ways of handling them in the future.

Navigate organisational politics: Understand the political landscape of your organisation to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Identify key stakeholders, build relationships, and navigate sensitivities to minimise tensions and misunderstandings. Be mindful of political blunders that can escalate conflicts and work towards maintaining harmony within the organisation.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Reflection questions for conflict management

Are you prioritising cooperation over competition in all of your conflict situations? How can you ensure that all parties feel understood and respected every single time?

Do your choice of words and tone contribute to or alleviate conflict? How can you communicate more effectively to prevent unnecessary tensions?

Are you practicing active listening and emotional control during conflicts? How can you better absorb and manage the energy of any given conflict to promote resolution?

Do you actively seek common ground and areas of agreement during conflicts? How can you highlight shared goals in order to minimise differences and promote enhanced collaboration?

How well do you manage your emotions during conflicts? What strategies can you employ to stay calm and objective in heated situations?

Do you explore opportunities for negotiation and mutual gain during conflicts? How can you improve you ability to bargain and find win-win solutions?

Are you communicating clearly and being problem-focused during conflicts? How can you ensure that your messages are clearly understood and contribute to resolution?

Do you ever consider involving a neutral third party for arbitration when conflicts reach an impasse? How could you effectively utilise mediation to facilitate resolution?

Have you identified and addressed your personal conflict triggers? What steps can you take to better manage these triggers and handle conflicts more constructively?

Are you mindful of the organisational politics at play during conflicts? How can you navigate these dynamics to minimise tensions and foster a culture of cooperation within the organisation?

What are the current conflicts and “almost” conflicts that are present in your leadership world? What can you do this week to resolve or reduce them?

What training is available to you to enhance your conflict management skills?

“Change means movement. Movement means friction. Only in the frictionless vacuum of a non-existent abstract world can movement or change occur without that abrasive friction of conflict.” – Saul Alinsky

“The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them.” – Thomas Crum

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