The proactive practice of effectively working with and influencing one’s manager or senior leadership to ensure alignment on goals, priorities, and expectations. This involves clear communication, understanding leadership styles, anticipating needs, and fostering a collaborative relationship to drive mutual success.
“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” Tony Robbins
Why managing upwards matters
Managing upwards matters because the relationship between a leader and their own boss is a two-way dependency, not a one-directional chain of command, the boss needs cooperation, honest information, and reliable follow-through from the leader, just as the leader needs the boss for priority-setting, resources, and connections across the rest of the organisation. Treating the relationship as something to simply comply with, rather than something to actively manage, leaves a leader dependent on their boss doing all the work of making it function well.
Without deliberate management of this relationship, a leader ends up guessing at priorities that were never actually stated clearly, and a boss ends up making decisions about that leader’s work with less context than they’d have volunteered if asked. Neither side is necessarily failing; the gap exists simply because no one built the habits that would have closed it, and those habits, understanding how a particular boss actually prefers to receive information, decide, and be kept informed, are rarely taught anywhere else.
It’s also worth knowing that the same boss can have a genuinely different quality of working relationship with different people who report to them, some get more trust, more information, and more latitude than others doing similar work. That difference isn’t usually about favouritism in the way it can feel from the outside; it tends to track closely with how much reliability and useful information each person has actually put into the relationship over time, which means a leader has far more influence over which category they land in than they might assume.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie
What good and bad managing upwards looks like
| What bad looks like | What good looks like |
|---|---|
| Waits for the boss to state priorities explicitly, and does nothing until they do. | Proactively asks what’s most important to the boss this quarter, rather than assuming it matches what’s most important to them. |
| Communicates every update the same way regardless of whether this boss prefers written detail or a quick verbal summary. | Adapts the format and depth of updates to how this specific boss actually processes information best. |
| Surfaces a problem only once it can no longer be hidden or fixed quietly. | Flags a developing problem early, alongside their own read on it, while there’s still time to influence the outcome together. |
| Treats a disagreement with the boss as something to win through repetition or escalation. | Treats a disagreement as something to resolve through a clearer case or a genuine compromise, reserving escalation for when it’s truly warranted. |
| Assumes the quality of the relationship with a boss is fixed, whatever it currently is, “that’s just how this boss is.” | Treats relationship quality as something built through consistent reliability and information-sharing, largely within their own control. |
| Brings the boss only problems, expecting them to supply the solution. | Brings a recommended way forward alongside the problem, even if it’s not the final answer. |
| Reserves genuine, specific appreciation for formal reviews only. | Acknowledges specifically what a boss did that actually helped, in the moment it happened, not just at review time. |
| Manages the relationship with whichever boss they have right now as a one-off, disconnected from any pattern in how they relate to authority generally. | Notices whether the same friction shows up with more than one boss over time, since a repeating pattern says more about the leader’s own approach than any single boss does. |
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” Ernest Hemingway
Barriers to managing upwards
Competence mismatch: A gap in perceived or actual competence, in either direction, whether a boss doubts a leader’s ability or a leader privately doubts their boss’s, tends to surface as friction long before anyone names the actual disagreement. Once either side has quietly concluded the other isn’t quite up to the role, ordinary requests start getting read as criticism or as evidence, rather than simply as requests.
Professional jealousy: Resentment toward a boss who secured a role a leader believes they deserved rarely gets stated directly, but it colours how every instruction from that boss gets received. What looks like disagreement about a specific decision is often really about a promotion decision that was never actually discussed.
Ethical mismatches: When a leader’s sense of integrity genuinely diverges from their boss’s, on what corners are acceptable to cut, or what’s fair to ask of a team, the relationship carries a weight that ordinary style differences don’t. This kind of mismatch is harder to work around than most others, since it isn’t really a preference gap, it’s a disagreement about what’s actually right.
Style and approach differences: Differences in pace, communication style, or management philosophy are often mistaken for differences in competence or commitment, when they’re really just differences in how two capable people operate. Left unexamined, a leader can spend real energy resenting a boss’s style rather than simply learning to work within it.
Discomfort with authority: Some leaders carry a general unease around anyone with formal power over them, built well before this particular boss arrived, and that unease shapes the relationship regardless of how reasonable the actual boss turns out to be. The discomfort is rarely about this specific person, but it gets attributed to them anyway.
Tension in presence of boss: Visible anxiety around a boss, hesitating, over-explaining, agreeing too quickly, changes how a leader communicates in exactly the moments clear communication matters most. The boss often reads this tension as uncertainty about the work itself, rather than what it actually is: nervousness about the relationship.
Resistance to coaching: A leader who treats their boss’s guidance as something to tolerate rather than genuinely consider closes off one of the more useful sources of perspective available to them, precisely because it comes with organisational context a peer or mentor wouldn’t have. Appearing uncoachable to a boss tends to cost a leader more latitude than the specific advice being resisted was ever worth.
One-size-fits-all approach: Every boss has a different way of taking in information and making decisions, some want a short verbal update, others want the detail in writing first; some decide fast, others need to sit with something, and a leader who communicates the same way regardless of which kind of boss they have will land well with some and miss consistently with others. The mismatch is usually read as the leader being unclear, when the more accurate diagnosis is that the message was built for the wrong boss.
Over-reliance on pressure or assertiveness: Pushing hard for a decision, escalating quickly, or repeating a point more forcefully can feel like the direct, honest approach, but it tends to make a boss defensive rather than persuaded, and defensive bosses give less latitude, not more. The leader who gets their way through pressure once often finds that same pressure costs them trust that’s hard to rebuild afterward.
Withholding problems to protect appearing in control: Flagging a mistake or asking a clarifying question can feel like admitting a gap in competence, so some leaders default to managing problems quietly and hoping they resolve before the boss notices. This usually backfires in the opposite direction, since a boss who’s surprised by a problem that could have been flagged early tends to trust that leader’s judgement less, not more.
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen R Covey
Enablers of managing upwards
Drive down the rocky road: Focus on managing the relationship with minimal long-term impact. Identify and work on three key issues with your boss, keeping conversations directed at these core problems. Understand your leader’s pressures and define success expectations clearly.
Understand what actually drives your boss: Objectively assess your boss’s priorities, pressures, and preferred way of working, ideally with input from a trusted colleague who can see it more clearly than you can in the moment. Once you understand what they’re actually optimising for, you can adapt your own communication style to align with it, rather than assuming they should adapt to yours.
Depersonalise and be neutral: Separate personal feelings from professional interactions. Objectify the situation and deal with your boss’s role, not the individual. Identify strategies to handle dislikes and seek advice from those with positive views of your boss.
Find your triggers: Keep a journal of what irritates you about your boss to avoid repeating these behaviours if you get promoted. Manage tense situations calmly, listening without immediate reactions, and focus on solving the problem.
Learn from the situation: Reflect on your contributions to the strained relationship and consider how to respond differently in future conflicts. Avoid anger and blame, focusing instead on constructive self-improvement.
Seek common ground: Direct confrontation usually fails. Instead, treat it as a conflict to learn from and find common interests. Exercise patience, as hasty actions often backfire and reflect poorly on you.
Have solutions-based discussions: Engage in informal, relaxed conversations with your boss about the issues, starting with your contributions to the problem. Offer help in areas your boss struggles with to build equity in the relationship.
Strike a bargain with yourself: Commit to performing your best despite the relationship noise. Focus on job performance imperatives and make the most of the situation, keeping in mind your career will outlast your current boss.
Keep it to yourself: Avoid gossiping about your boss unless it involves serious ethical breaches. Respect their role and manage assignments professionally, even if they seem unfair. Address integrity issues through proper channels with specific examples, not general accusations.
Share information proactively: Give your boss the context, risks, and early warning on problems that they’d have to ask for otherwise, rather than waiting to be asked. Reports who consistently supply useful information without being chased tend to earn more trust and more latitude over time than those who simply respond well when questioned.
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” Peter Drucker
Managing upwards reflection questions
What are the three most critical issues in your relationship with your boss, and how can you strategically address them to ensure alignment and productivity? Have you ever actually named these issues out loud to your boss directly, or only worked around them?
What steps can you take to objectively assess your boss’s strengths and weaknesses, and how can this understanding help you navigate your relationship more successfully? Who could give you an outside view of your boss that you don’t currently have access to?
How can you identify and leverage common interests or goals with your boss to build a more collaborative and productive working relationship? What does your boss actually get evaluated on, and how much of your own work visibly supports that?
How can you effectively separate personal feelings from professional interactions to engage with your boss in a more objective and constructive manner? What’s the last interaction where you reacted to the person rather than to the substance of what was said?
What are the key performance imperatives of your role, and how can you remain focused on these goals to maintain professional excellence despite relationship challenges with your boss? If the relationship never improved, would your own performance still hold up on its own merits?
In what ways might your actions have contributed to any of the current challenges with your boss, and how can you adjust your behaviour to foster a more positive and effective relationship? Would your boss’s account of what went wrong match your own?
Who are the trusted colleagues or mentors you can turn to for honest feedback about your relationship with your boss, and how can their insights help you improve your interactions? When did you last actually ask one of them directly, rather than just venting?
What specific behaviours or actions from your boss trigger a strong emotional response in you, and how can you develop strategies to manage these triggers more effectively? Is there a pattern to when these triggers show up, a particular kind of meeting, feedback, or pressure?
How can you prepare for solutions-focused discussions with your boss, leading with your own contributions to the issues and offering practical support to enhance mutual success? What’s one thing your boss is currently struggling with that you’re actually well placed to help with?
How can you demonstrate professionalism and loyalty by managing your frustrations privately and ensuring that your actions reflect integrity and respect for your boss? Where’s the line for you between managing frustration privately and staying silent about something that should actually be raised?
“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” John C Maxwell
Micro practices for managing upwards
1. Ask how they like to receive updates, then test it: Ask your boss plainly whether they prefer written summaries, a quick verbal update, or something else, then run your next few updates that way and explicitly check whether it’s actually landing better. A stated preference is a hypothesis to confirm, not a settled answer, people don’t always respond in practice the way they described in the abstract.
2. Bring the recommendation, the risk, and the next action: Next time you raise an issue, come with more than the problem: your recommended path forward, the main risk in taking it and how you’d mitigate that risk, and the specific next action you’re proposing. A boss can approve or redirect a fully-formed plan far faster than they can workshop a bare problem from scratch, and doing this consistently is what actually shifts how much decision latitude you’re given over time.
3. Ask what they’re measured on, then audit your own work against it: Find out directly, or through someone who’d know, what your boss’s own goals and pressures actually are this quarter. Then look at what’s currently on your plate and flag anything that doesn’t obviously serve those goals, either to reprioritise it or to make the connection explicit so it doesn’t look disconnected.
4. Flag the small problem before it’s a big one, and say what you need: Pick one thing currently going slightly wrong and raise it this week, before it becomes something you’d rather it hadn’t. State plainly whether you’re raising it for awareness, for input, or for a decision, since bosses often can’t tell which one you’re asking for, and guessing wrong wastes both your time.
5. Say the specific thing that helped: Next time your boss does something that actually makes your work easier or clearer, tell them exactly what it was, in the moment, not just generic thanks. Specific appreciation is more likely to happen again than a vague compliment.
6. Check the pattern, not just the person: If you’ve had friction with more than one boss over time, write down what the friction had in common, timing, topic, your own reaction, and ask someone who knows you well whether it sounds more like a run of difficult bosses or a pattern you bring to authority relationships generally. An outside view here is more reliable than your own, since everyone’s default explanation for repeated conflict tends to favour the other person.
“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” Ken Blanchard
Explore related leadership resources
To further develop this capability, examine how it intersects with other core leadership dimensions across the libraries:
Leadership library:
- Executive Presence: Cultivate the confidence and composure necessary to engage with senior leaders as a peer, ensuring your insights are heard and respected.
- Decision Making Quality: Build upward trust by consistently providing well-reasoned, data-backed recommendations that account for broader organisational risks.
- Comfort Around Higher Management: Overcome the barriers of hierarchy to share information transparently and engage in productive, high-level dialogue.
- Assertiveness: Master the ability to advocate for your team’s needs and express your professional viewpoint clearly, even when it challenges senior perspectives.
Supporting libraries
- Articulating intent (Traits): Move beyond reporting tasks by clearly explaining the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of your initiatives to ensure leadership remains aligned with your strategy.
- Follow through (Traits): Solidify your reputation with your manager by being the person who consistently delivers on commitments without the need for reminders.
- Independence (EQ-i): Balance your collaborative efforts with the self-directed confidence to handle responsibilities autonomously, reducing the “management load” on your leader.
- Optimism (EQ-i): Approach upward interactions with a solution-oriented mindset, becoming a source of positive momentum rather than just a messenger of problems.
Continue exploring: Return to the Leadership Library to view the full directory of competencies and resources.