The ability to build and maintain constructive, trust-based relationships with colleagues at a similar level across the organisation. It involves influencing without authority, communicating with openness and respect, collaborating toward shared goals, and navigating differences thoughtfully.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
Barriers to positive peer relationships
Bad experiences: Leaders may have had poor interactions with peers previously, leading to distrust or guarded behaviour in current relationships.
Too competitive: A leader who constantly competes with peers, rather than collaborating, may undermine relationships by creating an atmosphere of rivalry instead of teamwork.
Low or no respect: Leaders who do not value the contributions of other groups or functions can appear dismissive, damaging cross-functional collaboration.
Impersonal style: A detached, impersonal approach can make leaders seem unapproachable or uninterested in building meaningful peer relationships.
Lone wolf: Leaders who focus solely on their own objectives without considering the broader team goals may be seen as self-serving, alienating their peers.
Withholder: Leaders who are not forthcoming with information may create mistrust and hinder teamwork, as peers may perceive them as secretive or manipulative.
Low social skills: Leaders lacking interpersonal skills or emotional intelligence may struggle to build rapport, resulting in strained or superficial relationships.
Poor communication: Ineffective communication—whether in clarity, tone, or frequency—can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and a breakdown in relationships.
Poor time management: Leaders who are poor at managing their time may struggle to engage with peers effectively, neglecting opportunities for collaboration.
Possessiveness: Leaders who are overly possessive or territorial with resources may create friction with peers, as they are perceived as unwilling to share.
“The basis of social relationships is reciprocity: if you cooperate with others, others will cooperate with you.” Carroll Quigley
Enablers of positive peer relationships
Leverage influence: In peer relationships, direct authority is often absent, so focus on influence. Understand what matters to your peers and offer help or resources where you can. Build mutual trust by finding common ground and showing a genuine interest in their needs.
Consider your style: How others perceive you matters. Cold, impersonal, or distant behaviour can hinder collaboration. Focus on leaving a positive impression by being approachable, friendly, and responsive.
Understand others: Take time to assess the motivations and needs of your peers. Understanding what they want, how they work, and what they expect will allow you to navigate relationships more effectively.
Become a navigator: Learn how to get things done within the organisational structure. Identify key gatekeepers, allies, and influencers who can help move projects forward. By building relationships with those who hold power, you can expedite processes.
Raise your collaborative quotient: If you are seen as too competitive, peers may exclude you from important discussions. Focus on collaboration by sharing ideas openly, listening to others, and looking for solutions that benefit the group.
Build conflict competence: When disagreements arise, keep the issue separate from personal emotions. Avoid making peers feel dominated or undermined. Approach conflicts with a focus on facts and shared goals.
Review competitive tendencies: A bit of competition can be motivating, but when it turns into one-upmanship, it becomes destructive. Prioritise the organisation’s success over personal victories. Share information and resources freely.
Feedback directly: If a peer behaves unfairly, avoid gossiping or airing grievances publicly. Instead, address the issue directly and privately. Explain how their behaviour affects you without blaming or attacking them.
Stay aware: In difficult situations, stay self-aware. Reflect on how you respond to peer conflicts—are you too rigid or too accommodating? Mentally prepare for tough conversations and rehearse responses.
Consider win-win: Winning every negotiation may damage relationships. If you always come out ahead, your peers may become resentful. Strive for a balance where both parties feel they have gained something.
“Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.” Henry Ford
Reflection questions on peer relationships
How do you influence peers more effectively without relying on authority? How could you find ways to offer support or resources that they need? How well do you understand their priorities and challenges?
What impression do you tend leave on your peers? What small adjustments could you make to leave an even more positive impression?
How well do you understand the needs and motivations of your peers? What could you do to better align your goals with theirs? Do you know who is supportive and who might resist your ideas?
How effectively do you navigate the organisation to get things done? How could you be even better at understanding who are the key influencers and gatekeepers? How could you better leverage existing networks?
Are you seen as someone who works towards shared goals or someone who competes for recognition? How often do you seek input from peers when making decisions? What steps can you take to encourage joint problem-solving?
How do you handle conflicts with peers? Do you focus on the issue at hand, or do personal emotions sometimes cloud your judgement? How often do you consider your peers’ perspectives before reacting?
How do you balance healthy competition with cooperation? When does competition with peers help drive success, and when does it create unnecessary friction? How do you foster a sense of collective achievement?
How do you address unfair behaviour from a peer? When a peer acts unfairly, do you confront them directly or let resentment build up? How do you ensure you address issues calmly and professionally?
How self-aware are you in challenging peer situations? Do you notice when you are being too rigid or too accommodating? What patterns do you see in how you handle difficult interactions?
Do you aim for balance in your peer negotiations? When you ‘win’ in a negotiation, do you consider how your peer feels about the outcome? How can you ensure that your peer relationships remain collaborative?
“The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I.’ And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I.’ They don’t think ‘I.’ They think ‘we’; they think ‘team.’… This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.” Peter Drucker
Explore related leadership resources
To further develop this capability, examine how it intersects with other core leadership dimensions across the libraries:
Leadership library:
- Compassion: Build authentic peer bonds by acknowledging the unique pressures and challenges your colleagues face, moving beyond transactional interactions.
- Groundedness: Maintain your composure and consistency during cross-functional conflicts, serving as a reliable partner who isn’t easily swayed by political shifts.
- Listening: Foster mutual respect by giving your peers full attention, ensuring you understand their departmental priorities before advocating for your own.
- Emotional Intelligence: Navigate the subtle social dynamics of peer groups with high self-awareness, managing your impact and reading the room effectively.
Supporting libraries
- Positive view of people (Traits): Approach peer collaborations with an inherent belief in your colleagues’ competence and good intentions, which naturally lowers defensive barriers.
- Inclusivity (Traits): Actively bridge gaps between different functions, ensuring that diverse peer perspectives are invited and integrated into shared projects.
- Sociability (Traits): Leverage your natural ease in social settings to build the informal networks that often make formal collaboration much smoother.
- Interpersonal relationships (EQ-i): Focus on the give-and-take of professional connections, developing the “social capital” needed to influence others without formal authority.
Continue exploring: Return to the Leadership Library to view the full directory of competencies and resources.