Work is not only about deadlines and deliverables. It is about the human connections that shape how those tasks are done. Most of us spend more time with colleagues than with our families, so it is only natural to wonder: should leaders be friends with the people they lead?

Friendship at work is rarely about shared hobbies or weekend plans. More often, it is about knowing there is someone who will notice if we are struggling, who will celebrate with us when things go well, who makes us feel seen. In workplaces where leaders create this kind of closeness, people often bring more of themselves. They speak up with ideas, admit mistakes sooner, and carry each other through difficult days.

The evidence reinforces what many instinctively know. Gallup has found that employees who say they have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged than those who do not (Gallup, 2022). Yet this experience is rarer than it might seem. Only 2 in 10 U.S. employees report having a best friend at work (Associated Press, 2023). And KPMG reports that 83% of professionals believe workplace friendships make them feel more engaged, 81% more satisfied, and 80% more connected (KPMG, 2024).

So the case for friendship at work is not really about softer perks or optional extras. It is about creating the foundation for belonging, loyalty, and resilience. It is about shaping workplaces where the hours invested each day add to life rather than drain from it. For leaders, the invitation is to consider whether they are willing to cultivate this kind of closeness, knowing it asks more of them than simply managing tasks.

The risks of friendship

Every gift carries a shadow. Friendship between a leader and those they lead can foster trust, but it can also quietly erode it. The most obvious risk is the perception of favouritism. Resume Now found that 70% of employees have seen leaders bend rules for their favourites, and nearly half believe favouritism harms morale (Resume Now, 2023). Even when a leader acts fairly, the very existence of a close friendship can spark suspicion.

There is also the matter of blurred boundaries. A leader who is a friend today may need to give critical feedback tomorrow. What feels like intimacy in one moment can feel like betrayal in the next. Friendship complicates authority. Employees may also feel conflicted: are they loyal to the friend or to the team?

Finally, there is the subtle cost of avoidance. Leaders who want to protect a friendship may hesitate to challenge poor performance or soften messages that need to be clear. This protects the relationship in the short term but undermines respect and accountability in the long term.

The danger is not friendship itself but the loss of balance. When warmth overshadows fairness, or honesty is sacrificed to preserve harmony, the bond that once promised connection becomes the very thing that divides. The challenge for leaders is to hold closeness and clarity together without letting one eclipse the other.

What shapes whether it works or not

Whether friendship between leaders and employees nourishes trust or undermines it depends not just on the people involved, but on the soil in which the relationship grows. Context matters.

The character of the organisation shapes things. In a young startup, where hierarchy is light and everyone wears many hats, friendship may feel natural. Leaders and employees often work side by side late into the night, sharing victories and frustrations. In a large, formal organisation, the same level of intimacy can feel like bending the rules. Friendship there is harder to distinguish from favouritism, especially when processes are built on consistency and fairness.

Much depends on the leader’s own capacity. Leaders with emotional intelligence often hold both warmth and clarity in balance. They can be approachable without losing authority. Those without that self-awareness risk sliding into inconsistency, leaving people wondering which role is speaking: the friend or the boss.

And time has its say. A new team may thrive on closeness as bonds are formed. Later, when the pressure of delivery mounts, blurred roles can create more conflict than connection. Relationships that worked in one season may not serve as well in another.

So the question is not simply “should leaders be friends with those they lead?” It is “under what conditions does friendship deepen the life of a team, and when does it diminish it?” Leaders are invited to pay attention to their particular ground and ask: what kind of friendship is possible here, and what kind is wise?

10 ways leaders can navigate friendship at work

If the possibility of friendship between leaders and those they lead is real, so too is the tension it creates. The challenge is not to avoid closeness altogether, but to carry it with care. Here are ten practices leaders can use to hold both connection and clarity.

1. Choose fairness over favour: Closeness becomes corrosive when others believe it leads to special treatment. Leaders must ensure decisions about promotions, pay, and opportunities are transparent and based on agreed criteria. When fairness is visible, friendship does not need to be feared.

2. Be clear about roles: A friend can listen without judgment. A leader sometimes cannot. By naming these differences openly, leaders prevent confusion. Clarity about when they are speaking as a manager and when they are speaking as a peer helps everyone stay grounded.

3. Practise honesty even when it hurts: Friendship can tempt leaders to soften hard truths. Yet research shows that employees value constructive feedback when it is fair and timely. Respect grows not from being shielded, but from being told the truth with care.

4. Keep the circle wide: Focusing warmth and attention on one or two employees risks dividing the team. Leaders should spread their investment of time and care across the group, so connection feels inclusive rather than exclusive.

5. Build trust through consistency: Trust does not come from grand gestures, but from steady behaviour. Leaders who respond consistently, apply standards evenly, and honour their commitments create a climate where friendships can flourish without suspicion.

6. Let the team see your humanity: Friendship does not require sharing every detail of your life, but it does ask for authenticity. Leaders who show vulnerability, admit mistakes, and express gratitude model that they are not above but among their people.

7. Respect boundaries: Every relationship has limits. Leaders should be cautious about stepping into areas that may compromise professionalism, such as oversharing confidential matters or creating obligations outside of work. Boundaries protect both the friendship and the leadership role.

8. Encourage peer friendships too: If the only strong relationships in a team are between leader and individual members, the dynamic becomes fragile. Leaders should foster horizontal connections, encouraging employees to build trust with each other as well as with them.

9. Attend to culture and context: What feels natural in one organisation may feel inappropriate in another. Leaders need to read the setting they are in, adapting their openness and style to what builds trust rather than undermines it.

10. Hold friendship lightly: Perhaps the most important practice is not to cling. Work friendships are valuable, but they are not permanent. Roles change, people move on, and circumstances shift. Leaders who hold the relationship with gratitude, but without possession, make it possible for both connection and authority to coexist.

Conclusion

The question of whether leaders should be friends with the people they lead does not have a single answer. Friendship can be a source of trust, belonging, and energy, but it can also blur boundaries and erode fairness. The research shows both the promise and the peril. What matters is not a rule to follow, but the stance a leader chooses to take.

Perhaps the better question is not “friend or not friend,” but “what kind of relationship creates the conditions for people to thrive?” Friendship may be one expression of that, but it is not the only one. Warmth, honesty, and fairness can exist without the label of friendship, and sometimes that balance serves everyone best.

Leadership asks us to live with paradox. To be close but not partial, open but not careless, caring yet still accountable. It is less about solving the tension than about holding it with integrity.

In the end, what matters is the community we create in our workplaces. Do people feel seen? Do they feel safe enough to speak the truth? Do they trust that decisions will be made fairly, even when they hurt? These are the markers of healthy relationships at work, whether we call them friendship or not.

So the invitation is simple, though not easy: consider the relationships you are shaping as a leader. What kind of closeness do you want to create, and what kind of fairness do you want to be known for?

Do you have any tips or advice on friendship at work?

What has worked for you?

Do you have any recommended resources to explore?

Thanks for reading!

References

  • Gallup (2022) Why Having a Best Friend at Work Is Important. Available at: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/406298/why-having-best-friend-work-important.aspx (Accessed: 21 September 2025).

  • KPMG (2024) Workplace Friendships Play a Critical Role. Available at: https://kpmg.com/us/en/media/news/kpmg-survey-workplace-friendships.html (Accessed: 21 September 2025).

  • KPMG (2025) Friends at Work 2.0 Findings. Available at: https://kpmg.com/us/en/media/news/friends-at-work-2025.html (Accessed: 21 September 2025).

  • Associated Press (2023) Gallup: Just 2 in 10 U.S. Employees Have Work ‘Best Friend’. AP News, 7 February. Available at: https://apnews.com/article/faa0858e623e78c70e6f7eb02c55c7f1 (Accessed: 21 September 2025).

  • Resume Now (2023) Values vs. Vibes: The Impact of Workplace Favoritism. Available at: https://www.resume-now.com/job-resources/careers/values-gap-report (Accessed: 21 September 2025).