We live in a time where technical knowledge is abundant, yet the ability to recognise and work with our own emotions is often overlooked. Emotional self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, but it is also one of the most fragile capacities. Many people can identify when others are upset or joyful, yet struggle to describe what they themselves feel in the moment.

Bar-On and Parker (2000) define emotional self-awareness as the ability to recognise and understand one’s own emotions, including the causes that generate them and the ways they influence behaviour. This sounds straightforward, but in practice it is not. Most of us spend our days moving quickly from one task to the next, rarely pausing to notice what is happening beneath the surface.

The cost of this absence is significant. Leaders who cannot read their own inner landscape are more likely to lash out in frustration, suppress emotions until they boil over, or act on impulses they do not fully understand. The gain, by contrast, is equally powerful. Research shows that those who can identify and label their feelings recover more quickly from stress, regulate more effectively, and lead with greater authenticity (Davidson, 2012; Gross, 2002).

A core challenge is vocabulary. Many people rely on vague labels such as “fine,” “stressed,” or “upset.” These words flatten experience and make it harder to work with. Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett (2017) argues that emotional granularity—the ability to distinguish subtle shades of feeling—is one of the most important predictors of wellbeing. The richer the emotional vocabulary, the more effectively individuals can regulate and respond.

One practical tool for expanding this vocabulary is the Plutchik Wheel of Emotions (Plutchik, 1980). The model identifies eight core emotions—joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation, each with varying levels of intensity. Annoyance can build into anger, which can escalate into rage. Emotions also blend: joy and trust combine into love, while fear and surprise merge into awe.

The wheel acts as a map. It helps move beyond generic terms and name what is really present. Instead of saying, “I am stressed,” one might recognise that the experience is closer to anxiety and anticipation of loss. This level of specificity is not merely linguistic. It changes how the brain processes the emotion and opens more options for how to respond (Barrett, 2017).

 Why emotional self-awareness matters

If emotional self-awareness is the ability to notice and name what we feel, the question that naturally follows is: why does it matter? Why give attention to something so ordinary as a fleeting feeling?

The answer lies in the way emotions shape almost everything we do. They influence how we respond under stress, how we make decisions, and how we connect with others. Without awareness, these forces operate in the background, guiding our choices invisibly. With awareness, they come into the open where they can be engaged with care.

Resilience under pressure

Stress is unavoidable. What differs is how people meet it. Research shows that naming an emotion reduces its intensity by calming the amygdala and activating regulatory areas of the brain (Lieberman et al., 2007). Consider two managers facing the same crisis. One lashes out, unaware that his rising anxiety is spilling into anger. The other takes a breath and notices: “I am anxious because the situation threatens my sense of control.” That pause creates the space to choose a steadier response. Awareness does not erase stress, but it shifts us from being ruled by it to engaging it with perspective.

Better decision making

Emotions are not interruptions to rational thought. They are integral to it. Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio (1999) demonstrated that patients who lost emotional processing due to brain injury also lost the ability to make decisions. Emotions act as signals, telling us what matters. The problem arises when we fail to recognise them. A product manager may delay a launch under the guise of caution, when in reality she is anxious about criticism. If she names the anxiety, she can distinguish between a rational need for more data and an emotional need for reassurance. Awareness brings clarity where avoidance would otherwise cloud judgment.

Stronger relationships and leadership

Leadership studies consistently show that self-awareness is a cornerstone of effectiveness (Boyatzis and McKee, 2005). Leaders unaware of their emotional tone often transmit unintended signals: impatience mistaken for urgency, defensiveness mistaken for authority, or detachment mistaken for calm. Teams feel these currents even when leaders deny them. A leader who can say, “I notice I am frustrated because I value quality and time is short,” not only regulates herself but gives her team a clearer picture of the moment. This openness builds trust and strengthens collective resilience.

A foundation skill

Psychologist James Gross (2002) reminds us that regulation begins with awareness. You cannot change what you do not first see. Emotional self-awareness matters because it transforms emotions from hidden drivers into visible guides. It allows us to inhabit our lives with more clarity, to make choices aligned with our values, and to build relationships rooted in honesty rather than pretence.

Eight practices for building emotional self-awareness

Emotional self-awareness does not grow from theory alone. It is cultivated through practice, in the ordinary moments of a day. These eight exercises are not techniques to master but doorways to noticing. Each one offers a different lens: a way to pause, to listen, to give shape to what is often left unspoken.

Some of the practices are small rituals you can do in minutes, like a daily check-in. Others invite a fuller reflection, like mapping a day’s emotions or writing them into a journal. Together they build a rhythm: noticing in the moment, tracing patterns over time, and bringing feelings into conversation.

The order matters less than the spirit with which you enter. You may begin anywhere. Over time, the practices complement one another. A check-in leads naturally to a timeline. A timeline points toward a journal entry. A journal opens the way to a conversation.

Each practice is structured in the same way:

  • Overview explains the purpose and spirit.
  • Steps guide you through the process.
  • Examples show how it works in real life.
  • Variations suggest ways to adapt.
  • Why it matters grounds the practice in research and lived insight.

These practices are not about control. They are about contact. They help you meet emotions not as problems to be solved but as data, teachers, companions. As you work with them, you may find that feelings once pushed aside begin to serve as signals. And in those signals, you discover more choice, more clarity, and more connection with yourself and others.

Exercise 1: Daily emotional check-in

A daily emotional check-in is the simplest place to begin. It is a short ritual of pausing, asking yourself what you are feeling, and giving that feeling a name. Most of us move through the day on autopilot, responding to emails, deadlines, and requests without stopping to ask what we are carrying. The check-in slows the pace just long enough to notice.

The purpose is not to analyse or fix emotions. It is to legitimise them. By saying, “This is what is present in me right now,” you honour your inner experience and invite clarity. Research shows that the simple act of naming emotions reduces their intensity and supports regulation (Lieberman et al., 2007). Over time, this habit builds a more nuanced emotional vocabulary, giving you the precision to distinguish between irritation, impatience, or anxiety rather than using a blunt word like stressed.

Steps

  • Pause once or twice each day: Choose a predictable time such as first thing in the morning, after lunch, or before leaving work. Treat it like brushing your teeth, a small habit that maintains emotional hygiene.
  • Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Do not overthink. Take a breath, scan your body, and notice the first sensation or mood that arises.
  • Choose a word from the emotion wheel: Instead of settling for vague labels like fine, tired, or busy, look for a more precise word. Restless could mean anticipation, irritation, or nervousness.
  • Write it down: Keep a notebook, journal, or app where you record the word and, if you wish, a brief sentence of context.
  • Acknowledge without judgement: Say to yourself, “This is what I am feeling. It belongs.” There is no requirement to change it immediately.

Examples

  • Morning commute: “I feel apprehensive because today’s meeting matters to me.”
  • After lunch: “I feel sluggish and distracted. Maybe my energy dips in the early afternoon.”
  • End of day: “I feel satisfied that I made progress, but also a bit impatient with the pace.”

Variations

  • Visual check-in: Mark a dot on the emotion wheel each time you pause. Over a week, patterns begin to emerge.
  • Shared practice: Begin team meetings with a quick round, “One word for how you arrive today.”
  • Digital nudge: Set a reminder on your phone with the prompt: “What are you feeling right now?”

Why it matters: Most of us underestimate how much of the day is shaped by unnamed emotions. The check-in helps recover these overlooked states. You begin to notice that Monday mornings often carry anxiety, or that collaboration lifts your mood more than solitary work. These small recognitions give you choice: to adjust, to anticipate, or simply to understand yourself better.

Research confirms that developing emotional vocabulary is linked to improved regulation and well-being (Kashdan et al., 2015). The habit is deceptively simple but transformative. Over time, you move from generalities to specifics, and from reacting unconsciously to responding with awareness.

Mini-dialogue illustration

  • Self-reflection: “I’m stressed.”
  • Pause with the wheel: “Actually, it’s not just stress. It’s frustration because I wanted more control over the project.”
  • Reframe: “So my need is clarity and influence, not just less pressure.”

When you make a habit of checking in, emotions stop being background noise and become data. And when emotions become data, they can guide how you live.

Exercise 2: Emotional timeline

The emotional timeline is a way of mapping how your feelings rise and fall across a single day. Instead of remembering the day as a blur, you create a picture of its emotional shape. The horizontal axis represents time, from morning to evening. The vertical axis represents emotional energy, from uplifted at the top to sad or depleted at the bottom.

By drawing your day as a line that moves up and down, you turn fleeting experiences into something visible. You begin to see patterns: the places where energy dips, the encounters that lift you, the moments when emotions shift suddenly. What felt like scattered fragments becomes a whole story.

This practice works because it engages both sides of awareness: feeling and reflection. You are not only noticing what you felt but also tracing the conditions that gave rise to those feelings. Over time, the timeline becomes a mirror, showing you the rhythms of your inner life.

Steps

  1. Draw your axes: On a blank page, draw a horizontal line for time (from waking to sleeping). Draw a vertical line for mood, with “positive / uplifted” at the top and “sad / depleted” at the bottom.
  2. Plot your day: Either pause every hour to mark a dot or reflect at the end of the day and sketch from memory. Connect the dots into a squiggly line that shows your emotional flow.
  3. Add brief notes: At turning points, jot what happened –  “10:00 dip — difficult email. 14:00 rise — good lunch with colleague. 18:00 dip — deadline stress.”
  4. Reflect on the shape: Step back and ask: “What does this line tell me? Where are the patterns? What surprised me?”
  5. Name the learning: Write a sentence about what the day revealed – “I see my energy consistently dips after lunch. I might need to plan lighter tasks for early afternoon.”

Examples

  • Manager’s day: starts calm, dips with back-to-back meetings, rises after a creative session, dips again before deadline, rises after evening run.
  • Teacher’s day: strong rise with morning energy, dip during paperwork, lift during classroom interaction, steady decline after 4pm.
  • Parent’s day: fluctuates with children’s moods, peaks at shared play, dips with exhaustion late evening.

Variations

  • Colour coding: shade the line green for positive, blue for low, red for intense emotions.
  • Team use: share timelines at the end of a project week to reflect on collective highs and lows.
  • Digital tracking: some journaling apps allow you to log moods on a graph across the day.

Why it matters: Most of us remember days by highlights and endings. The timeline helps recover what gets lost: the small shifts, the triggers, the recoveries. Research shows that reflecting on patterns of emotion increases self-regulation and resilience (Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, 2015). The act of drawing also activates different pathways of learning, engaging not only the analytical mind but the creative one.

When you look at your own squiggly line, you see that no feeling is final. Highs give way to lows, and lows rise again. This too is a lesson: emotions are not fixed states but moving currents. Awareness of this motion gives you patience and perspective.

Exercise 3: Emotion mapping

Emotion mapping invites you to plot your feelings onto a two-axis grid: intensity (vertical) and valence (horizontal). Instead of a single line across the day, you create a scatterplot of experiences. Each point represents a moment when you felt something strongly enough to notice.

The power of the map is that it forces precision. Was the feeling positive or negative? Was it mild or strong? Over time, you see clusters: the emotions that dominate, the contexts that evoke them, and the balance between high and low energy states.

Steps

  1. Draw your axes: Horizontal: positive to negative (valence). Vertical: low to high (intensity).
  2. Notice emotions during the day: Each time you pause (hourly or at key events), choose a word from the emotion wheel. Place it on the map at the right spot.
  3. Add context notes: Jot down what triggered the feeling. – “Excitement — high/positive — during team brainstorming.” or “Frustration — high/negative — after unclear feedback.”
  4. Look for patterns: At the end of the day or week, step back. Where do most of your emotions cluster? Do you live mostly in the high/negative quadrant? Or the low/positive one?
  5. Reflect on meaning: Ask: “What does this balance reveal about my environment and choices? What small changes might shift the map?”

Examples

  • Team leader: frequent high/negative points during status meetings (frustration, tension); high/positive during problem-solving sessions (excitement, pride).
  • Student: low/negative while revising alone (boredom); high/positive during group study (enthusiasm).
  • Parent: low/positive during family meals (calm, contentment); high/negative during rushed mornings (stress, impatience).

Variations

  • Colour code emotions for clarity (green = positive, red = negative).
  • Weekly review: overlay several days on one map to see recurring zones.
  • Group mapping: teams can plot collective emotions after a project phase to visualise shared highs and lows.

Why it matters: Research in affective science shows that placing emotions along valence and arousal axes helps people distinguish subtle differences and improves emotional regulation (Russell, 1980). By repeatedly plotting emotions, you learn not only what you felt but also the quality of that feeling: high or low, pleasant or unpleasant.

The deeper insight is this: most of us think of emotions as binary — good or bad. The map reveals they are multidimensional. Calm and joy are both positive, but they are not the same. Anger and sadness are both negative, but one is high-energy and the other low. Seeing this complexity helps you live with more nuance and choice.

Exercise 4: Reflective journaling

If the timeline shows you the shape of a day, and the map shows where your emotions sit, reflective journaling gives those experiences a voice. Writing is a way of slowing down thought. It turns fleeting feelings into words you can see, hold, and return to.

Psychologist James Pennebaker’s research shows that expressive writing improves both emotional processing and physical health (Pennebaker and Seagal, 1999). The act of putting emotions into words reduces rumination and increases clarity. In journaling, you move from “I feel bad” to “I feel anxious because clarity was missing, and what I really need is reassurance.” That shift is the beginning of self-awareness.

Journaling is not about keeping a perfect record. It is about creating a container where emotions can be named and explored without judgement.

Steps

  1. Set aside 10 minutes: Find a quiet time at the end of the day or week. Use pen and paper if you can. The physical act of writing slows you down.
  2. Name the emotion: Begin with one word from the wheel: “Anxious,” “calm,” “hopeful,” “resentful.”
  3. Describe the situation: Write a few lines about what triggered the feeling – “I felt anxious when I received an unexpected email from my manager.”
  4. Explore your inner dialogue: Capture the thoughts that came with the emotion – “I worried I had made a mistake and would be blamed.”
  5. Reflect on impact: Ask: “How did this feeling shape my behaviour or choices today?” – “Because I was anxious, I avoided replying and delayed other tasks.”
  6. Close with learning: End with a question: “What does this emotion tell me about my needs, values, or boundaries?” – “I value clarity. When it is missing, I become anxious. I need to ask for clearer expectations.”

Examples

  • Manager’s entry: “Today I felt irritated in a meeting because my suggestions were overlooked. My inner story was that I was not respected. I noticed I withdrew for the rest of the discussion. This tells me that recognition is important to me, and silence was a form of protest.”
  • Teacher’s entry: “I felt joyful watching a student have a breakthrough. My inner thought was that my work has impact. The joy lifted my energy for the whole afternoon. This tells me that growth in others fuels my motivation.”

Variations

  • Sentence starters: “Today I noticed…” “This week I felt most alive when…” “The hardest part of today was…”
  • Dialogue journaling: Write as if in conversation with the emotion itself: “Anger, what are you trying to tell me?”
  • Micro-journaling: If time is short, jot three bullet points: the feeling, the trigger, the learning.

Why it matters: Journaling creates distance between you and the emotion. Instead of being inside the storm, you stand beside it and describe it. This simple act brings perspective. Over time, entries become a record of your emotional life. You can look back and see growth, recurring themes, and values that appear again and again. The deeper truth is this: writing makes the invisible visible. It gives you a way of honouring your inner life, not as background noise but as part of the story you are living.

Exercise 5: Body scan practice

Emotions are not abstract. They are lived in the body. The racing heart before a presentation, the sinking stomach after bad news, the warmth of pride when you are recognised, each is a physical expression of emotion. Yet many of us move through the day disconnected from these signals.

The body scan is a way of coming home to yourself. It is a slow journey of attention through the body, noticing sensations as they are, without trying to change them. What begins as a practice of observation becomes a practice of recognition: “This tightness is my anxiety,” “This heaviness is my sadness,” “This openness is my joy.”

Research in neuroscience shows that this capacity, called interoception, is central to emotional regulation and resilience (Craig, 2009). By practicing body scans, you strengthen the bridge between sensation, emotion, and awareness.

How to practice a scan

  1. Prepare the space: Find a quiet place where you can sit or lie without interruption. Loosen clothing if it feels restrictive. You may close your eyes or soften your gaze.
  2. Begin with the breath: Take two or three slow, steady breaths. Let attention settle on the natural rhythm of inhaling and exhaling.
  3. Start at the top: Bring awareness to the crown of your head. Ask, “What do I notice here?” Even the absence of sensation is something to observe.
  4. Move slowly downward: Shift attention to forehead, eyes, jaw. Notice tension, relaxation, warmth, or pulsing. Continue through neck and shoulders, common places for unspoken emotions to collect.
  5. Linger at the chest and stomach: These areas often carry the weight of strong feelings. Notice breath, heartbeat, or knots of tension. Ask gently: “If this sensation had a voice, what would it say?”
  6. Continue through the body: Move awareness to arms, hands, hips, thighs, knees, calves, and feet. At each point, pause and notice: heaviness, tingling, stillness, vibration.
  7. Acknowledge without fixing: When you meet tension, do not rush to relax it. Simply name it: “tightness in my jaw,” “fluttering in my stomach.” If an emotion surfaces, connect the two: “This knot feels like worry,” “This openness feels like relief.”
  8. Close gently: When you reach the feet, take one or two deeper breaths. Thank the body for carrying you. If journaling, write one or two lines about what you discovered.

Examples

  • Workday scan: noticing a “band of pressure” across the forehead after long screen time, linking it to fatigue.
  • Conflict scan: heat in the face and tightness in chest, recognising anger still lives in the body hours after the conversation.
  • Evening scan: heaviness in the shoulders but lightness in the breath, naming both tiredness and satisfaction.

Variations

  • Micro-scan: three breaths, scanning just head, chest, and stomach in under a minute.
  • Guided scan: use an app or recorded audio to lead you through at a steady pace.
  • Movement scan: integrate with walking, noticing sensations in the soles of the feet and rhythm of steps.

Why it matters: The body scan slows you down enough to catch what is often missed. It shows you that emotions are not just labels in the head but experiences carried in the body. Over time, you develop an inner radar: sensing the clenched jaw before words turn sharp, or the racing heart before anxiety peaks. The deeper truth is that the body is always telling the truth. When we ignore it, we lose touch with what is real. When we listen, we reconnect with the immediacy of our own life.

Exercise 6: The why ladder

Emotions are signals. They point toward something that matters: a value, a need, a boundary. Yet we often stop at the surface: “I am angry,” “I am anxious”, without asking what lies underneath. The why ladder is a simple but powerful practice of asking “why” several times in succession to move from surface emotion to deeper meaning.

The goal is not to interrogate yourself into exhaustion but to peel back the layers of experience. Each “why” opens another doorway, until you arrive at a core insight about what truly matters to you.

Research on meaning-making shows that reflecting on the causes of emotion leads to greater clarity and better regulation (Wilson and Gilbert, 2008). By using the why ladder, you shift from reacting to exploring, from emotion as a problem to emotion as a teacher.

Steps

  1. Start with the emotion: Choose one feeling from your day. Write it down – “I feel irritated.”
  2. Ask the first why: “Why am I irritated?” – “Because my colleague dismissed my idea in a meeting.”
  3. Ask again: “Why did that matter to me?” – “Because I put effort into preparing, and it felt ignored.”
  4. Go deeper: Why does being ignored matter?” – “Because I value respect and contribution. When I am dismissed, I feel invisible.”
  5. Stop when you reach a value or need – When the answer reveals a core value (respect, clarity, belonging), pause. That is the lesson.

Examples

  • Surface emotion: “I feel anxious.”
    • Why? “Because I got critical feedback.”
    • Why does that matter? “Because it threatens my sense of competence.”
    • Why? “Because being competent means I am safe and valued.”
    • Insight: The real issue is not the feedback but the deep need for security through competence.
  • Surface emotion: “I feel frustrated.”
    • Why? “Because deadlines keep shifting.”
    • Why does that matter? “Because I can’t plan properly.”
    • Why? “Because I value stability and order.”
    • Insight: Frustration is pointing to a boundary around predictability.

Variations

  • Group reflection: In teams, members can ladder together around shared frustrations to reveal collective values.
  • Paired dialogue: Ask a partner to gently guide you by repeating “why does that matter?” so you can focus on answering.

Why it matters: The why ladder reframes emotions from problems to signals. Instead of trying to suppress irritation, you see it as pointing to a value like respect. Instead of drowning in anxiety, you see it as pointing to a need for clarity. This shift is powerful: once you know the value, you can act with intention rather than reaction. The deeper truth is that emotions are the messengers of meaning. When you climb the ladder of why, you discover that your feelings are not random disruptions but guideposts to what you care about most.

Exercise 7: Hot button reflection

We all have hot buttons, those situations or behaviours that trigger strong emotions quickly. A careless remark, an interruption, a tone of voice, a missed deadline. In an instant, calm gives way to anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal.

Hot button reflection is the practice of naming and exploring these triggers before they overtake us. Instead of being surprised each time, we learn to anticipate and prepare. Research in emotional regulation shows that identifying triggers in advance increases our ability to pause and choose a different response when they arise (Gross, 2002).

This exercise is not about blaming others for pressing our buttons. It is about recognising what those buttons reveal about us: our values, our insecurities, our boundaries.

Steps

  1. Recall a strong reaction: Think of a recent moment when you felt disproportionate anger, irritation, or hurt.
  2. Name the hot button: Write down what triggered it. – “I get angry when someone interrupts me.”
  3. Explore the emotion beneath: Ask: “What feeling was activated?” – “I felt disrespected and invisible.”
  4. Connect to a value or need: Ask: “What does this reaction say about what matters to me?” – “I value being heard. I need space to complete my thought.”
  5. Reflect on patterns: Look across several hot button moments. Do they point to the same underlying theme?
  6. Rehearse a new response: Imagine the situation arising again. What pause or phrase could help you respond differently? – “When interrupted, I could say calmly: ‘Let me finish this point, then I’ll listen to yours.’”

Examples

  • Leader: reacts strongly to missed deadlines. Underneath is a value for reliability and a fear of being let down.
  • Parent: anger when a child rolls their eyes. Beneath is a longing for respect and connection.
  • Team member: irritation when emails go unanswered. Beneath is a need for responsiveness and clarity.

Variations

  • Hot button journal: each time you flare, jot the trigger, emotion, and underlying value. Review weekly.
  • Team exercise: invite team members to share “what presses their buttons” in a safe setting to build empathy.
  • Partner dialogue: ask a trusted partner to reflect patterns you may not see yourself.

Why it matters: Hot buttons often feel like weaknesses to hide. In reality, they are guides. They show where your values are strongest and where your needs are most sensitive. By naming them, you reclaim the ability to pause. The deeper truth is this: what frustrates you most is often the flip side of what you care about most. Anger at being interrupted reveals a longing for respect. Irritation at missed deadlines reveals a passion for dependability. To know your hot buttons is to know your values in their rawest form.

Exercise 8: Emotion conversations

Emotional self-awareness does not reach its fullest form in solitude. It is strengthened in conversation. When we name emotions aloud and allow them to be witnessed, they become less heavy and more real. Many of us learned to treat emotions as private burdens. Yet when spoken in safe company, they become invitations to connection.

This practice is about building small, intentional exchanges where emotions are named honestly and received without judgement. The purpose is not advice or problem-solving but witnessing. Parker Palmer (2004) reminds us that the soul does not want to be fixed or saved. It wants to be seen.

Steps

  1. Choose a partner: Someone you trust to listen without rushing to solutions.
  2. Set a simple frame: Agree that each person will share one emotion and a brief context. The other will reflect back what they heard.
  3. Name the emotion: Use the emotion wheel for precision. Example: “Today I feel apprehensive.”
  4. Give context: One or two sentences about what triggered the feeling. Example: “Because tomorrow’s presentation feels high stakes.”
  5. Listen and reflect back: The listener repeats the essence: “You are apprehensive because the presentation matters.”
  6. Close with appreciation: Thank one another for honesty and presence.

Mini-dialogues

  • Colleagues after a tense meeting
    • A: “I feel frustrated. I worked hard on my part, and it was not acknowledged.”
    • B: “You are frustrated because your effort was unseen.”
    • A: “Yes. Just having it named helps me release it.”
  • Partners at the end of the day
    • A: “I feel anxious. The presentation tomorrow feels overwhelming.”
    • B: “You are anxious because the stakes feel high.”
    • A: “Exactly. Saying it aloud makes it lighter.”
  • Parent and child
    • Child: “I feel sad because my friend did not sit with me at lunch.”
    • Parent: “You are sad because you felt left out.”
    • Child: “Yes. Thanks for listening.”

Framings to use in practice

  • Daily or weekly review: At the end of the day or week, share one emotion that stood out. This makes patterns visible over time – “This week I noticed frustration around shifting deadlines. It showed me how much I value stability.”
  • Pre-challenge conversation: Before a demanding task, each person names how they feel going in. This prevents unspoken emotions from shaping behaviour – “I feel nervous because this client is demanding.”
  • Post-event reflection: After a meeting or project, reflect not only on outcomes but on the emotions it left behind – “After the review, I felt relief because the work was recognised.”
  • Ongoing relationship check-in: In teams or families, make emotion naming part of regular check-ins –  a leader asking, “What is one feeling you bring into this week?”

Variations

  • If speaking feels risky, begin with written notes exchanged at the end of the day.
  • In groups, invite each member to share one emotion word at the start of a meeting. No commentary, just listening.
  • For leaders, model the practice by going first. Naming your own feeling sets the tone for honesty.

Why it matters: Research shows that sharing emotions with others strengthens bonds and improves well-being (Rimé, 2009). Yet the true gift is lived, not measured. When someone reflects your feeling back to you, you experience being seen. When you do the same for them, you practice presence.

Conclusion: Living with awareness

Emotional self-awareness is not a skill you master once. It is a practice you live into every day. The eight exercises are not a checklist but a set of doorways. Each one invites you to slow down, to notice, and to treat your inner life as worthy of attention.

This matters because emotions are not distractions from the real work of life. They are the currents that shape how you relate, decide, and act. When you neglect them, you are carried by forces you do not see. When you attend to them, you reclaim choice.

Building emotional awareness is less about control and more about permission. Permission to pause. Permission to feel. Permission to take seriously what your body, your experience, and your relationships are telling you. The practice will not always be comfortable. It will sometimes reveal truths you would rather avoid. But it is in this honesty that growth begins.

As you take this further, consider these questions:

  1. Building practice: Which one exercise from the eight will you commit to trying this week, and what rhythm would help it become a habit?
  2. Raising awareness: What emotions most often go unnamed in your daily life, and what would change if you gave them language?
  3. Permission to feel: In what situations do you withhold permission from yourself to feel openly, and what would it look like to allow those emotions space?

The work of emotional self-awareness is not about becoming someone different. It is about becoming more fully yourself. In doing so, you bring not only clarity to your own life but also presence and compassion to the lives of those around you.

Do you have any tips or advice on raising your self-awareness?

What has worked for you?

Do you have any recommended resources to explore?

Thanks for reading!

References

Bar-On, R. and Parker, J.D.A., 2000. The handbook of emotional intelligence: Theory, development, assessment, and application at home, school, and in the workplace. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Barrett, L.F., 2017. How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Boyatzis, R. and McKee, A., 2005. Resonant leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Craig, A.D., 2009. How do you feel—now? The anterior insula and human awareness. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(1), pp.59–70. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2555

Damasio, A.R., 1999. The feeling of what happens: Body and emotion in the making of consciousness. San Diego: Harcourt.

Davidson, R.J., 2012. The emotional life of your brain: How its unique patterns affect the way you think, feel, and live—and how you can change them. New York: Hudson Street Press.

Gross, J.J., 2002. Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), pp.281–291. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0048577201393198

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