Each January, we pledge a better version of ourselves. Eat cleaner. Work smarter. Sleep earlier. Spend less. Move more. Be a better leader. These are not bad intentions. But by the second week of February, roughly 80 percent of resolutions are already abandoned.  This isn’t because we’re weak or broken. Yet that’s often how it feels.

We mistake the collapse of a resolution for a flaw in our character. We frame it as a personal failure. The gym membership goes unused, and instead of questioning the design of the commitment, we question our discipline, our will, even our worth.

As an executive coach, I see this cycle play out not just in private lives but in the boardroom. Leaders vow to listen more, delegate better, be present for their teams. Yet without a scaffold to support those shifts, even the most sincere commitments can dissolve into guilt and self‑reproach.

The statistics are stark. Only about 9 percent of people who set New Year’s resolutions feel they have kept them by year’s end.  Early attrition is also high: nearly a quarter of people quit within the first week, and many more abandon their goals by the end of January.

The dominant narrative tells us that change is a matter of resolve. If we wanted it enough, we would find a way. But this belief quietly erases the reality of competing demands, emotional exhaustion, and structural constraints. It turns struggle into shame.

In truth, most resolutions ask too much of us, too quickly. They ignore the accumulated drag of everyday life. They rely on motivation, which is famously fickle. They are built around avoidance, focusing on cutting out, giving up, resisting, instead of anchoring in what gives energy and meaning.

There is also a punishing perfectionism at play. One missed day becomes failure. A single lapse becomes proof that the old habits have won. So we quit, quietly, and often alone.

This is not a call to lower the bar. It is a call to change the frame,  to move away from resolution as declaration and toward change as design.

Setting ourselves up for success

Resolutions fail not because the goal is wrong but because the system around it does not support the behaviour. This is not a matter of weakness. It is a matter of design. For behaviour to take root, it needs more than good intentions. It needs conditions that make the behaviour possible, easy, and timely.

BJ Fogg, founder of Stanford’s Behaviour Design Lab, gives us a framework for this: B equals MAP. A behaviour happens when Motivation, Ability, and a Prompt all show up at the same time. Change does not stick when any one of those is missing, which is exactly what happens with most New Year’s resolutions.

As an executive coach, I see this not only in gym memberships and meditation apps but in the quiet commitments leaders make to themselves. They want to delegate more, speak less in meetings, and be fully present with their teams. They are motivated. They mean it. Yet six weeks later, they are back in old patterns, holding onto tasks, multitasking through conversations, and overwhelmed by decision fatigue. It is not that they failed. It is that the environment did not shift to support the new behaviour. Let us look more closely through the B equals MAP lens.

1. Motivation: The leader’s drive to change

Motivation gets all the attention and too much of the blame. We assume that if we were truly committed, we would do the thing. But motivation is a feeling, and feelings fluctuate, especially under pressure.

A leader might feel highly motivated after a feedback session reveals they over manage. They commit to letting their team own more. But when the next quarter’s pressure kicks in, fear of failure surfaces. The leader slips back into checking every detail and answering every message. This is not a motivation failure. It is a normal response to risk.

The solution is not more resolve. It is to adjust the scale. Make the task smaller. Let success feel close and doable. Do not wait for the perfect mindset. Build a system that works even on a slow or messy day.

This also applies at home. Someone wants to write more in the mornings but struggles when the alarm rings. Instead of aiming for thirty minutes, they keep a notebook by the bed. The goal becomes one sentence before the kettle finishes boiling. That is enough to begin to believe they are someone who writes.

2. Ability: How hard are you making this?

Ability is the most underestimated part of the equation. And it is where most change breaks down. Take delegation. It sounds easy. Let go of tasks. But many leaders were promoted for being competent, reliable, and hands on. Letting go feels like a gamble. What if the outcome is not good enough? What if people think I am avoiding responsibility?

Instead of redesigning their system, they make a resolution. I will let go. And they feel stuck when nothing changes. A better way is to start small. Begin with low risk tasks. Clarify roles. Let go of the how and focus on the outcome. And practise neutrality. If your team does something differently, that is not a problem. It is the system working.

BJ Fogg outlines six key elements that affect our ability to act. If any of these create friction, the behaviour becomes less likely. If we manage these, change becomes easier and more natural.

Time. Many behaviours fail simply because there is no space for them. Leaders want to reflect more, but their calendar is wall to wall. The fix is not willpower but structure. Block fifteen minutes for thinking as part of your day, not an extra at the end. Make it non negotiable, like any other meeting. In personal life, this might mean shortening workouts to five minutes, or combining them with existing tasks, like doing squats while the coffee brews. Time is not a barrier when it is accounted for in advance.

Resources. This includes money, but also tools, access, and support. A leader might delay investing in coaching or technology that could save time, thinking it is not justified. Or a team member may want to adopt a new tool but lacks the licence or permission. In personal life, someone might want to begin a creative hobby but believe they need specialist equipment. Start with what is at hand. Redesign does not need to be resource intensive. Most sustainable change begins with what is already available.

Physical effort. When something feels physically demanding, we tend to delay it. A leader might want to walk more during the day, but their office setup is awkward. The stairs are far, the weather is bad, the layout discourages movement. So they sit. The solution is not more motivation. It is to make movement easier. Use a standing desk. Take calls while pacing. Stack the environment in your favour.

Mental effort. If the behaviour feels mentally heavy, we avoid it. Delegating well can require planning, documenting, following up. That takes focus. To lower the effort, delegate a single decision instead of a whole task. Ask for an update instead of a full report. In personal habits, simplify the rules. Use a set playlist for workouts. Keep one go to lunch idea. If thinking is reduced, action increases.

Routine. New behaviours struggle when they are disconnected from what we already do. A leader who wants to be more appreciative might tie it to an existing ritual, like the last five minutes of a weekly meeting. A person who wants to practise mindfulness might link it to waiting for the kettle to boil. When change fits into our current flow, it is more likely to become familiar and repeated.

Social norms. We often underestimate how much our behaviour is shaped by others. If meetings are always packed and fast paced, taking a reflective pause might feel like poor leadership. If no one else blocks time for deep work, doing so can feel selfish. In these moments, change takes courage and creativity. Start with modelling. Invite others. Speak the intention aloud. Normalising new behaviour begins with visibility.

Fogg puts it simply. Design works better than discipline. If you cannot do it when you are tired, it is too hard. The Ability Chain is not about effort, it is about alignment. It helps us remove the obstacles that make good intentions hard to realise.

3. Prompt: What Reminds You to Act?

Even with motivation and ability, the behaviour will not happen unless something brings it into the moment. This is where good intentions often fade. A manager wants to practise listening more. They aim to speak second in meetings. But under pressure, they go on autopilot. They only realise they missed the moment once it has passed. Prompts bring the behaviour into focus. Fogg describes three types: person-based, context-based, and action-based.

 

People-based prompts are the most powerful. Not because they remind us, but because they join us. A colleague who models patience. A team that agrees to reflect before deciding. A quiet signal between peers. Being with others can be the prompt. Shared presence, shared rhythm, shared intention. These prompts are not instructions. They are invitations. They say, we are doing this together.

Context-based prompts use the environment to trigger action. A sticky note on your laptop. A bracelet on your wrist. A water bottle placed where you will see it. These prompts are visual and often physical. They are especially useful for leaders who want to change how they show up, because they interrupt habits with presence.

Action-based prompts are tied to behaviours already in motion. After I brush my teeth, I will stretch. After I send my calendar for the day, I will block ten minutes for reflection. These are the most powerful because they do not rely on memory or will. They ride the momentum of what already happens.

The prompt does not have to be clever. It only needs to be reliable and well placed. In everyday life, prompts can be subtle. If you want to reduce screen time in the evening, place your phone in another room. If you want to practise gratitude, keep a notebook beside your bed. The goal is not to force behaviour but to design its arrival.

Prompts are not pressure. They are permission. They remind us of who we want to be when the moment to choose arrives.

Stopping bad habits

Most attempts to stop a habit begin with control. We tighten the rules. We strengthen our resolve. We treat the behaviour as the problem and ourselves as the solution. But habits, especially the ones we return to often, do not thrive on willpower. They persist because they are easy. They are supported by the structures we have, the energy we lack, and the agreements we have not questioned. If we want to stop a habit, the answer is not more effort. It is different design.

Fogg’s Ability Chain:  time, resources, physical and mental effort, routine, and social norms,  helps us understand why habits form. But to unlearn, we must read it in reverse. Each link in the chain shows us not only what makes a behaviour easier, but also what sustains our defaults. To change a habit, we do not need to overpower it. We need to interrupt the system that lets it run so smoothly.

Start with time. Many leadership habits, particularly the unhelpful ones, are incredibly efficient. Interrupting a team member takes seconds. Rewriting a slide deck yourself is faster than coaching someone through it. Answering a late-night message gives the illusion of progress. These behaviours feel productive because they are immediate. But the cost is deferred, and often paid by others. To make a habit harder, add time to it. Create deliberate pauses. Insert waiting. Build in a moment of reflection before responding. This is not about delay for its own sake, but about restoring choice. When a habit is no longer fast, it stops feeling inevitable.

Then consider resources. Some habits persist because they compensate for what is missing. A leader who micromanages may not have a reliable way to track progress. One who avoids giving feedback may lack the language or support to do it well. Instead of forcing a change in behaviour, change the infrastructure. Build systems that replace the need for the habit. Delegation boards, shared planning tools, coaching templates,  these are not just operational aids. They are design signals. They say: you do not have to hold everything yourself.

Next is effort. Habits are efficient not just in time, but in energy. It is easier to give advice than to sit in someone else’s uncertainty. It is less taxing to speak than to listen with full attention. It is safer to act than to ask. To reverse a habit, increase the cost of the old action, and lower the cost of the new one. This might mean removing email apps from phones. It might mean scripting questions in advance. It might mean adjusting the flow of your day so the decision-making moments come when you are still clear-headed. The point is not to punish the old habit. It is to gently move its centre of gravity.

Then, look at the routines. Habits are anchored in rhythm. Certain meetings, times of day, or project stages activate old behaviour without us even noticing. The leader who dominates Monday stand-ups. The one who rewrites documents late at night. The habitual urge to check in, jump in, or take over. These patterns are not personal failings. They are time-bound scripts. To disrupt them, change the tempo. Alter meeting formats. Block five minutes before and after high-trigger moments. Introduce new anchors, a silence ritual, a check-in round, a visual prompt. These adjustments shift the flow, and with it, the likelihood of returning to default.

Finally, the most invisible force: social norms. Habits that serve the culture are the hardest to leave behind. When urgency is equated with commitment, slowing down looks negligent. When decisiveness is praised, waiting can feel like weakness. Even if you want to lead differently, it is hard to do so alone. This is where the design must be collective. Make space to name new values. Acknowledge when someone models the new behaviour. Let others in on what you are trying to practise. Not for accountability, but for companionship. Culture shifts when the quiet acts of courage are witnessed and echoed.

Stopping a habit, then, is not about extraction. It is about inversion. We do not remove the behaviour. We reverse the conditions that once made it thrive. The chain no longer pulls us forward. We gently pull it back, one link at a time.

In the end, this is not about behaviour change at all. It is about stewardship. Choosing to make the environment safe for better choices to take root. Not just for you, but for those you lead. Not because you should, but because you can.

Five top tips for New Year’s Resolutions

1. Start with identity, not outcome: Most resolutions begin with what we want to do. Lose weight. Speak up. Work less. But real traction begins with who we want to become. When identity leads, behaviour follows. A leader might say, “I want to be someone who trusts their team.” That identity shapes choices differently than simply resolving to “delegate more.” In personal life, “I am someone who moves every day” is more sustaining than “I will go to the gym.” Identity-based change is not only stickier, it is more forgiving. It allows for variation without collapse. The goal is not perfection. It is coherence.

2. Shrink the change: Resolutions often fail because we make the starting point too large, too heavy, too far from where we are. Instead of a thirty-minute journaling ritual, try one sentence while the kettle boils. Instead of giving over entire projects, start by handing off one decision. Shrinking the change does not lower standards. It builds momentum. And momentum is the true engine of habit. In organisational life, big shifts start with the smallest viable signal. One manager I coached introduced five-minute silence at the start of meetings. It felt strange at first. Now it is a norm that has shaped how people listen.

3. Design for the days you do not feel like it: Resolutions made in the glow of fresh motivation often ignore the hard days. The tired mornings. The packed calendar. The feedback that stings. If your new behaviour only works when things are going well, it is too fragile. Design your environment for low energy days. Keep tools visible. Reduce steps. Make success easy to reach. One leader set a rule: when they feel rushed, they ask one open question before they offer advice. The prompt is simple, the action is light, and it works even on their busiest days. Design is the real discipline.

4. Name what you are replacing: Stopping a habit is not enough. Every behaviour serves something: identity, relief, reward, status, connection. If you do not know what you are getting from the old habit, you will struggle to let it go. Leaders who constantly step in are often trying to feel useful or in control. Those who over-schedule might be avoiding stillness. Those who avoid feedback might be protecting their sense of worth. The shift comes not from judgment, but from clarity. If you name the need, you can begin to meet it differently. And that makes space for a new behaviour to arrive.

5. Practice publicly, not privately: Resolutions kept in secret often fade in silence. But when we share our commitments, they become more than intentions. They become invitations. A leader who tells their team, “I am working on pausing more in meetings,  feel free to call me out if I jump in too quickly,” is not only changing their own behaviour. They are changing the culture. Public practice builds accountability, yes. But more than that, it builds trust. It says: I am still learning. And in a learning culture, change is possible, not just personal.

Some additional resources

Book: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg: This is the core source behind much of what we have explored so far. Fogg does not just offer habit theory, he offers a way of seeing ourselves as designers of our own behaviour. What makes this book essential for leaders is its clarity: no moralising, no ego traps, just behavioural truth. He shows why motivation is unreliable, how success builds identity, and how change is less about ambition and more about architecture. For anyone responsible for leading others, or themselves, through change, this is foundational reading. This book takes the shame out of habit change and replaces it with tools. It also helps leaders build cultures where behaviour can shift without fear.

Podcast: The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish – Episode with James Clear: In this conversation, James Clear (author of Atomic Habits) expands on habit formation through the lens of decision making, identity, and marginal gains. The strength of this episode lies in its application. Clear speaks in examples. The ideas are grounded in how people actually live and work. He draws a strong line between systems thinking and personal behaviour, a connection that is vital for leadership. Leaders often try to drive culture change through words. This podcast reminds us that culture changes through small, visible acts, repeated consistently.

Talk: The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown (TEDxHouston): Though not about habits directly, this talk offers a critical lens for anyone trying to change their own behaviour or support change in others. Brown challenges the idea that control leads to strength. Instead, she points to vulnerability, the willingness to be seen, to fail, to keep showing up,  as the condition for growth. This is especially relevant for leaders who are letting go of old patterns, and stepping into the discomfort of new ones. Many resolutions fail not for lack of structure, but for fear of exposure. This talk helps reframe vulnerability as a leadership asset, not a liability.

Wrapping up

Resolutions often begin with pressure. A new year, a new chance to be better, do more, fix what feels undone. But what if we chose a different path? Not pressure, but permission. Not reinvention, but re-alignment. Not solitary striving, but designed support.

The insights of BJ Fogg remind us that behaviour is not a character test. It is an outcome of design. And the more we understand that, the more choice we have, not just in how we lead, but in how we live.

Real change, the kind that lasts, is quiet. It is small. It is anchored in identity and grown through care. Leaders who understand this build more than habits. They build cultures where learning is visible, where trying again is honoured, and where control is replaced by trust.

So rather than ask, What should I resolve to change?, we might ask:

  1. What kind of person, or leader, do I want to become this year?

  2. What small design would make that direction easier to live into?

  3. Who needs to be part of this change, so it is shared rather than secret?

This article on making change stick also looks at Fogg’s work and this habits hub, whilst old, has some resources on habit change.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you a great start to 2026!

Sources

Diamond, D. (2013) Just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions. Forbes. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/ (Accessed: 25 December 2025).

Driver Research (2024) New Year’s resolution statistics. Available at: https://www.driveresearch.com/market-research-company-blog/new-years-resolutions-statistics/ (Accessed: 25 December 2025).

Oscarsson, M., Johansson, K., Andersson, S. and Latham, G. (2020) ‘A large-scale experiment on New Year’s resolutions’, PLOS ONE, 15(12), pp. 1–19. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097 (Accessed: 25 December 2025).

University of Adelaide (2024) Not just another New Year’s resolution: make it stick. Adelaide Newsroom. Available at: https://www.adelaide.edu.au/newsroom/news/list/2024/01/18/not-just-another-new-years-resolution-make-it-stick (Accessed: 25 December 2025).

Fogg, B.J. (2019) Tiny habits: the small changes that change everything. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.